LAUGH TILL YOU FALL
Son: Dad, we will soon become rich.
Father: How is that going to happen?
Son: Today our teacher taught us how we can convert paisa into rupees.
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| jokes laughter is the best medicine - enjoy it |
Raju: Rajesh, which is the best gift you got on your birthday?
Rajesh: The trumpet.
Raju: What’s so special about it?
Rajesh: My mother gives me Rs.10 a day for not playing it.
First man: God, please give me three rooms full of gold.
Second man: God, please give me a room full of diamonds.
Third man: God, please give me the keys to both their rooms.
Teacher: What will happen if there is World War III?
Student: Our history books will become thicker, Sir.
A successful man is one
who makes more money
then his wife can spent.
And A successful women is one
who can find such a man.
Santa Singh: "What is Ford ?
Banta Singh: : "Gaari".
Santa: "What is Oxford?"
Banta: "So simple, Bail Gaari"
Banta sent SMS to Santa, "Bhejne wala mahaan, parhne wala gadha"
Santa was so angry that he replied, "Bhejene wala gadha, parhne wala mahaan"
A man after sent to hell he asked the devil: Can I make a call to my wife?
Devil: yes
Man: How much do I have to pay?
Devil: Nothing. Hell to hell is free
Q. Why are sports important?
A. To give relief from studies.
Why are Egyptian children always confused?
'Coz after death, their daddy becomes the mummy.
Wife: Why can't my mother stay with us?
Husband: For the Bible says I can't allow this!
Wife: Show me
Husband: Right here, see. No man can serve two masters!
Man: Can I speak to the burglar who broke into my house, When I was away?
Policeman: You'll get a chance in the court.
Man: I want to know how he managed to enter without waking my wife up.
Q. What is secret of success?
A. Right decisions
Q. How do you make right decision?
A. Experience
Q. How do you get experience
A. Wrong decisions
So relax & enjoy the crap you do.
Wife: Look, a thief has entered our kitchen and he is eating the cake I prepared
Husband: Whom should I call now, the police or an ambulance?
Father: Listen, my child, study properly and your name will reach every corner of the world.
Son: But how can that be? Our geography teacher told us that the earth is round it; doesn't have any corners!
Judge: This is the third time you have come to this court. Aren't you ashamed of yourself?
Criminal: You come here everyday, your Honour. Do you feel ashamed?
Teacher: Minty, where does your grandmother live?
Minty She lives in the airport.
Teacher: How can that be?
Minty Every time she wants to visit us, we get her from the airport and whenever she wishes to go back, we drop her there
Once a Japanese tourist took a cab to the airpot. On the way he constantly spoke about Japan. At one point a Honda overtook them.
Tourist: Honda, very fast, made in Japan.
A little later a Toyota overtook them
Tourist: Toyota, very fast made in Japan
They reached the airport
Tourist: how much is the fare?
Driver Rs.180, sir
Tourist: How is that possible? We travelled hardly five kilometers
Driver: Meter, very fast, made in India, Sir
Man Do you know, my grandson has many degrees
Friend: Is he a thermometer?
Math teacher: Sirish, If you ask for Rs.40 from your mother and Rs.50 from your father what will you get?
Sirish: A scolding from both of them, ma'am!
Q: What always falls but never gets hurt?
A: Rain
A boy was planning to go out to play.
MOM: Come on, sit down and study. The exams are knocking at the door.
Son: Then, just don't open the door!
Man: Someone stole my credit card.
Friend: Have you reported it to the police?
Man: Have you reported it to the police?
Man: No, i don't want to.
Friend: Why?
Man: That's because whoever stole it is spending much less money than my wife does!
A young mosquito returned after his first flight.
Papa mosquito: How was your flight?
Baby mosquito: It was great, Dad! Everyone was clapping at me!
Titu: Mom, had you seen me before I was born?
Mother: No.
Titu: Then how did you recognize me after my birth?
Q. How can a man go without sleep for eight days?
Ans. What’s the problem? He sleeps at night.
Q. Which table do we eat?
Ans. Vege-table.
Teacher: If eight men took ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
Student: No time at all, sir. Isn’t the wall already built?
Sneta: Why do you go and stand outside whenever I sing?
Soumendu: So that people know that it is not me who is singing.
Teacher: What can you tell me about scientists of the 18th century?
Student: They are all dead.
Teacher: Ramesh, who according to you was the greatest Mauryan king?
Ramesh: Sir, Ashoka.
Teacher: Why?
Ramesh: Because the book says so.
Teacher: No, I want to know who you think was the greatest Mauryan king.
Ramesh: Oh then I will say it was Bindusara.
Teacher: Why Bindusara?
Ramesh: Sir, it is so much easier to remember about his deeds as there’s just one line on him in our history.
Father: Son, imagine the house is on fire and there’s no way we can escape. What would you do in such a situation?
Son: I would simply stop imaging!
Teacher: Johny give me three reasons why the earth is round.
Johny: Because my mother says so, my father says so, and you say so.
Sam: Father, I failed in all the tests except in algebra.
Father: How much did you get in alebra?
Sam: Oh, I did not take the test at all.
Teacher: Why are you so late?
Student: I was obeying the sign saying “Go slow. School ahead.”
Policeman: Why are you driving without lights?
Driver: Because there are lights everywhere.
Policeman: Okay, I am going to let the air out of your tyres now.
Driver: Why?
Policeman: Because there is air everywhere.
Patient: Doctor, I just cannot sleep at night. Every night I dream of a door with a sing on it. I pull and pull the door very hard, but it does not open.
Doctor: What does the sigh say?
Patient: Push.
Q. Why do we see the lighting first and then hear the thunder?
A. Because on our face, the eyes come first and then the ears.
Teacher: Why are you two so late?
Jai: I lost a Rs.5/- coin & was searching for it.
Vijay: And Sir, I could not move from there because the coin was under my foot.
A mother notices her son do sit-ups, holding his ears.
Mother: Why are you doing this?
Son: My teacher told me to practice at home what I do in school.
Teacher: Give me one word that, students use every day.
Student: Can’t, sir.
Teacher: That’s right. Sit down.
Gita: Sir, will you please take my brother home?
Policeman: Why?
Gita: Because he is lost.
Policeman: Why can’t you take him home?
Gita: Because I am lost too.
Mother: Go and water the plants.
Nil: it’s already raining.
Mother: So, what? Take an umbrella.
Two men look at an Egyptian mummy.
First man: Surely it was a truck accident. Look at the bandages.
Second man: Yes, And the truck number is BC 1760
Q. Why doe doctors and nurses wear masks during operations?
A. So that if someone makes a mistake, no one will know who did it.
Rohan: Rahul, I am planning to go to America. How much will it cost?
Rahul: Actually, nothing.
Rohan: How is that?
Rahul: Because it costs nothing to make plans.
Father: Son, you know, you should never look at the faults of others.
Son: If that is so, why are you constantly looking at my faults?
Q. Who is a doctor?
A. A person who cures you with his pills. Then kills you with his bills.
Son: Today my teacher yelled at me for something I didn’t do.
Father: And what was that?
Son: My homework!
Jude: Order! Order!
Criminal: A dosa and lime juice.
Two thieves robbed a bank.
First thief: Should we not count how much money we have robbed?
Second thief: There is no need to do that. We shall find the amount in the morning newspaper.
Passenger: Is this my train?
Ticket checker: No, it belongs to the Indian Railways.
Passenger: Don’t be funny. I was wondering if I could take this train to Kolkata.
Ticket checker: No. It will be too heavy for you to carry to Kolkata.
Teacher: Why have you coloured your examination paper black, Ramu?
Ramu: My mother told me not to submit a blank examination paper.
Q. Which travels faster, cold or heat?
A. Heat, because you can catch cold.
Father: Arko, what’s the time time now?
Son: I can’t read the clock
Father: Go and see where the big and small hands of the clock are.
Son. They are both inside the clock.
Judge: Why did you steal from the bank twice?
Thief: Because when leaving the bank, I saw a notice saying, “Thank you. Please visit again.”
Shambu: Whose photograph is that?
Raju: It’s my family doctor’s
Shambu: Why have you kept his picture on your study table?
Raju: he has asked me to see him whenever I got a headache.
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. That is not possible. You will never find an elephant with one hand!
Father: Amit, I have been watching you for the past few days. Why have you been giving the hens hot water to drink?
Amit: So that they give boiled eggs.
Policeman: How did this accident occur?
Bus Conductor: The bus driver respects ladies. So, out of respect, he gave his seat to one.
Piku: Swimming is a good exercise. It keeps you slim and is very good for the figure.
Mia: So why are ducks short and fat?
Servant: Sir, you don’t trust me!
Mohit (Sir): But I gave you the keys to my almirahs, didn’t I?
Servant: Yes, but none of them fit!
During an English lesson, a teacher noticed that a student was not paying attention toher.
Teacher: Tony, please join these two sentences together. I was cycling to school, I saw a dead body.
Tony: I saw a dead body cycling to school.
Monty: I felt very bad yesterday. The teacher made me stand on the bench.
Sonu: Why?
Monty: She asked me the difference between a bus and a cycle stand.
Sonu: That’s single! You should have said a bus stand doesn’t go with the bus, but a cycle stand goes with the cycle.
Rahul: Can you tell me why cows wear bells?
Mohan: Because their horns do not work.
Paromita: Why are you writing your letter so slowly?
Sanju: I am writing this for my 6-year old son.
Paromita: So?
Sanju: He cannot read fast yet, so I’m writing slowly.
Mary: Can People really predict the future?
Joan: My Mom can
Mary: That’s wonderful what has she predicted?
Joan: She takes one look at my report card and she tells me what will happen once my father comes home.
Patient: Will I be able to read with my new glasses?
Doctor: Yes, of course you will be able to read perfectly.
Patient: Oh, that’s really good news because I never learned to read.
Teacher: Which great event happened in 1809?
James: Abraham Lincoln was born.
Teacher: Right, and what happened in 1812?
James: He turned three years old.
Afridi: (Pak Captain) We won't let Sachin score his 100th ton
Misbah: (Pak Batsman) But how will we stop him?
Afridi: We'll bat first and get all out for less than 100.
Ram: Do you think people can really predict the future by looking at cards?
Vishal: Of course! My mother is very good at it. She takes one look at my report card and tells me exactly what will happen when my father gets home.
Miser: I have to buy a new comb immediately.
Friend: Why, do you lose it.
Miser: No, a tooth of the comb broke.
Friend: That shouldn’t be a problem.
Miser: It is. That was the last tooth.
Wife: I hate the beggar who is standing outside our house.
Husband: Why?
Wife: I gave him some food yesterday and today he gave me a book!
Husband: A book? What is it called?
Wife: How to cook?
One evening, Shyam and Ram’s father came home with a video game.
Father: Look what I have for you boys, a video game.
Boys: But who will get it?
Father: The one who is most obedient to your mother.
Both boys: (in chorus) Then keep it with you daddy.
Shreya: I have cooked for you today, little brother.
Little brother: (after taking a bite): What kind of food is this? This tastes like cow dung.
Shreya: Really? I did not know that you have tasted cow dung before.
An old lady always gave the bus conductor cashew nuts or almonds to eat. One day,
Conductor: It’s kind of you to give me nuts everyday. But why don’t you eat them yourself?
Lady: I don’t have enough teeth to much them.
Conductor: Then why do you by them?
Lady: Because I love eating the chocolate around them!
Teacher: Can you tell me what is the difference between breathing & respiration?
Rahul: The difference lies in the spelling.
Teacher: If you drink milk every day, you will grow up to be sharp and intelligent.
Student: That means the calf is the most intelligent of us all.
One day two men were fixing a bomb in a car.
First man: What will we do if the bomb explodes?
Second man: Don’t worry. I have one with me.
Student (on the phone): My son has a bad cold and won’t be able to go to school today.
Principal: Who’s this speaking?
Student: This is my father.
Teacher: Can you tell me two pronouns?
Student: Who, me?
Teacher: very good.
A boy bought a model aeroplane from a toy shop.
Shopkeeper: The money that you have given me is not real.
Boy: The plane that you have given me isn’t real either.
Sukanya: Does an apple a day really keep the doctor away?
Mother: Yes, why?
Sukanya: I need an apple right now. I broke the doctor’s window.
Teacher: What’s the difference between morning and evening?
Student: There’s not much of a difference. Just that in the morning you scold me in school and in the evening my parents scold me at home.
Judge: You have been up before the bench seven times; I will have to fine you ₹3,000/-
Prisoner: As a regular, shouldn’t I get a discount?
Sita: I have lost my dog.
Meeta: Put an advertisement in the paper.
Sita: Don’t be silly, he can’t read.
First beggar: What would you do if you got a lot of money?
Second beggar: I would buy a car.
First beggar: Why a car?
Second beggar:
I feel very tired begging on foot. It’ll be comfortable if I have a car.
Ranjani: Which bus will go to Vashi?
Man: Bus number 40, ma’am.
A few hours later
Man: Hasn’t your bus come yet?
Ranjani: No, so far only 39 buses have come. The next one will be mine.
Customer: Please give me a mouse-trap and make it quick, I have a bus to catch.
Shopkeeper: I am terribly sorry, madam, but we don’t have any traps that are big enough.
Mother: Why do you always answer a question with a question? It is so irritating?
Son: Oh, is it?
Kishan: Ravi, your dog was chasing a man on a bike.
Ravi: Don’t be silly. My dog doesn’t know how to ride a bike.
Pam: I want to become a pilot like my father.
Arjun: your father is a pilot?
Pam: No, he wants to be one.
Shreya: I wish that we lived in olden days.
Teacher: Why?
Shreya: Then we wouldn’t have so much history to learn.
Father: Your teacher says you haven’t been going to school for many days now.
Son: That’s because you told me to stay away from bad students.
Mona: My sister is only three but she can spell her name backwards.
Saurav: What is her name?
Mona: Anna.
Teacher: Who do you think is greater – teacher or mother?
Ranjan: Teacher, ma’am?
Teacher: Why?
Ranjan: Because a mother can put only one child to sleep at a time whereas a teacher can put 40 children to sleep at once.
Student: The brain is a wonderful thing
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Student: Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you are asked a question in class!
Teacher: Give me three reasons why the world is round?
Pupil: Well.. my dad say so, my mum says so, and you say so!
A child comes home from his first day at school.
Mother: What did you learn today?
Kid: Doesn't matter Mom, not enough I have to go back tomorrow.
Two donkey saw zebras for the first time.
First donkey: Hey, they look like us but are dressed differently.
Second donkey: They must have run away from the prison.
Judge: Tell me why you broke the lock?
Thief: Simple, your honour, I didn’t find the key.
Rohan: Mohan, your father is a tailor, why is your shirt torn?
Mohan: Your father is a dentist. Why were you born without any teeth?
Doctor: You are very ill. Is there anybody you would like to see?
Patient: Yes, another doctor.
Patient: Doctor, I’ve been seeing double of everything.
Doctor: Sit down on this chair so that I can examine you.
Patient: Which one are you talking about?
Teacher: Kanika, you’ve copied your answers from Monica, haven’t you?
Kanika: Ma’am why would you think that?
Teacher: Because her answer to the fifth question is “I don’t know” and yours’s is “me neither”.
Teacher: Why does the Statue of Liberty have a book in one hand and a torch in the other?
Student: Because you are not supposed to read in the dark.
A man was brought to the court.
He was charged with parking his car in a restricted area.
Judge: Do you have anything to say in your defense?
Man: Yes sir, they shouldn’t put such misleading notices. The sign said: Fine for parking here!
Jeet: Who’s more intelligent between the two of us?
Abhiseck: Let’s not talk about me.
Jeet: Alright, who’s the more foolish one?
Abhiseck: Can’t you stop talking about yourself?
Teacher: Did you hear everything that I said about mangoes, Pritam?
Pritam: Yes Ma’am.
Teacher: Ten tell me, when is the best time to pick mangoes?
Pritam: When the owner of the tree is fast asleep, I suppose.
Coach: Why didn’t you stop the ball?
Goalkeeper: I thought that’s what the net is for.
Aloke: I failed every subject this term, except for algebra.
Mother: How did you manage to pass that exam then?
Aloke: I didn’t appear for the paper.
Judge: Five witnesses have seen you stealing the cow.
Accused: That doesn’t mean anything, Your honour
Judge: Oh really?
Accused: Well, I can bring at least a hundred witnesses who didn’t see me stealing the cow.
NON SMOKER: I hate cigarette, so I don’t touch it.
SMOKERS: I too hate cigarette, so I burn it.!!
“Rishta wahi… soch nayi”.
It doesn’t matter if you win
By an inch or a mile
Winning is winning
Once GOD decided to set up a shop on the sidewalk..
Man: Lord! What are you selling?
GOD: Whatever your heart desires!
Man; I want happiness, freedom from hunger, peace for my family & success
GOD with a smile on his face: I don’t sell fruit child I sell only seeds…
